


Stuck In The Jetwash

by AllFuckedUpOnLove



Category: Glee
Genre: Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 12:02:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3173246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AllFuckedUpOnLove/pseuds/AllFuckedUpOnLove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Blaine and Kurt break up, Blaine’s life spirals out of control. This is what happened because Blaine just… couldn’t cope.<br/>(Takes place before and during 6x01 and 6x02)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stuck In The Jetwash

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a couple of people on Tumblr who REALLY wanted a fic about Blaine's parents finding out about him getting kicked out of NYADA and I hadn't written a fic in a while, so... here we are! Hope you like it :)

When he finished eating his 20th box of Twinkies, and Netflix kindly let him know that he had finished watching every episode of Friends ever filmed, he knew that maybe it was time to deal with his mess of a life. However, Blaine knew that these types of things were easier said than done.

When he and Kurt broke up, Blaine stayed in the loft as long as he could, but it grew too tense and too awkward, so he decided to move out. Kurt told him that he didn’t have to leave, but Blaine knew that staying wasn’t really an option.

He packed up his things and crashed at a friend’s place for a few days, before finding a shitty, one-bedroom apartment to call home. The twin sized mattress had hard springs and the whole place smelled faintly of booze and mold. 

Blaine struggled as he tried to adjust, yet again, to being single. Cuddling up to a body pillow didn’t quite suffice and warm showers could only trick his brain into thinking someone was holding him for so long. This loneliness came crashing around Blaine just like the last time.

Their last break-up was a hurricane of tears and swimming upstream through depression. Blaine could hear the rushing currents creeping up his spine. This was all too familiar.

Every morning became a challenge. The alarm on his phone would ring and he would hit snooze until time faded away and he eventually just turned off the alarm entirely. His head felt heavy, his body felt weak, he was shutting down. On the rare occasion that he dragged himself from under the covers, he found his home to be an obstacle course. 

Everything reminded him of Kurt and their relationship. Brushing his teeth made him think of the toothpaste Kurt left on the towels, frying eggs reminded him of the numerous times he made Kurt breakfast in bed, the murmur of the traffic reminded him of when the power went out and he a Kurt cuddled in the candlelight. He couldn’t even listen to music because most songs held some type of memory of the two of them. This was exactly like the last break-up, and nothing like it, all at the same time. It wasn’t this lonesome the last time.

A week went by and Blaine hadn’t attended any of his classes. He was getting emails from his teachers letting him know that if he missed anymore class, he would fail. His friends were texting him and calling him, wondering where he’d been. Blaine ignored them all. 

He slept and slept some more. Wishing that every sunset would take some of his pain below the horizon. He couldn't figure out what he had done. He didn’t know why Kurt would just break everything off. He didn’t know what he had done to upset him. He tried to so hard to be perfect. To be a loving boyfriend. To care for his fiance. He just couldn’t make sense of it. What had he done for Kurt to no longer want to be with him?

Every day was more of the same. Endless questions with no answers and emptiness. It never got any easier. It never felt like it was getting any better. In fact, it only got worse.

Blaine woke up one day and found an email saying that he was being expelled from NYADA. The words, like cement blocks, chained themselves to Blaine’s heart and it sank like a corpse. He knew that he was barely treading water, but he didn’t think he was drowning.

The Twinkies didn’t fill his emptiness and TV shows didn’t make him feel less alone. It was then that he swallowed whatever pride he had left, and called his parents.

He couldn’t bring himself to tell them the truth. He told them about the break up, and that he wanted to come home for a little while because he needed a break, but that was it. He knew how important getting an education was to his parents. He knew that when he finally told them that he failed, they would be more disappointed in him than ever before. He wasn’t looking forward to this “break.”

He packed up his clothes and thought about how he messed everything up. He lost his scholarships, so now if he decides to go back to school, it’s going to be more expensive. His family had money, but, they weren’t disgustingly wealthy. Now he’s become a bigger burden to his parents.

 

~~-*-~~

 

When he arrived home, Blaine’s parents met him with a warm welcome and a home cooked meal full of comfort food. They knew how hard Blaine takes his break ups. 

“There’s no heart break that mom’s mac and cheese can’t fix,” his mother would say.

He put off telling them his secret for a couple of days, then Mr. Anderson finally asked

“How’s school going?”

Blaine held his tongue, knowing that they wouldn’t be pleased.

“Son?”

Blaine took a deep breath, and decided that this was it. Might as well just rip the band aid clean off the wound.

“I...got kicked out of NYADA.”

There was a silence that settled like a midnight fog over the room. It was only a couple of seconds, but it felt like hours.

“Blaine, honey what do you mean?” Mrs. Anderson asked, trying to keep a calm tone.

“They kicked me out. I...I didn’t know what to do. Kurt called off the wedding, and it got bad, mom, real bad. He was the love of my life...then he was gone. Again. And next thing I knew, my grades started to slip. I was depressed and I could barely get out of bed in the-”

“Oh, don’t give us that crap about depression Blaine,” Mr. Anderson interrupted. “That’s just an excuse. You let yourself flunk out of college. A music school no less. I told you to go to Columbia, and be a doctor. But I guess I didn’t know how wrong I was, because you couldn’t even handle singing. What were you thinking, Blaine?”

Blaine pushed the potatoes around on his plate, avoiding eye contact at all costs. He could feel the tears at the brim of his eyes. He knew this would happen.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t-”

“You’re sorry? How much did we spend for you to go to that school? Books, tuition, rent? And now you wasted all that money... Gone.”

“Now, honey, come on. He was clearly having a rough time.” Mrs. Anderson tried to defend her son.

“Blaine. What do you plan on doing now? And your answer better include getting a job, because I will not tolerate having a slacker living under my roof.”

Blaine nodded meekly. “Yes sir. I plan on looking for a job tomorrow.” 

He had no intention of looking for a job this soon after coming home, but he didn’t want to further upset his father.

“Good. Now finish your food and get out of my site.”

Blaine hated those words the most. Knowing that his father didn’t even want to see him. That if he remained in his father’s presence, he would puke upon laying eyes on his son. Those words made him feel like trash. They made him feel small, vulnerable and alone, and at this point in his life, it was just adding on.

Blaine politely excused himself from dinner, cleaned his plate and went upstairs. He could hear his parents talking from the top of the stairs. His father saying how he can’t believe Blaine ruined his life. His mother trying to convince him that it isn’t as terrible as it seems. His father saying that he just wants a good life for his son. His mother saying that everyone is trying their best.

Blaine crept into his bathroom and shut the door. He tried taking a few deep breaths, but it was no use. The tears began falling down his cheeks without his consent, and soon he was sobbing. His whole body was quaking with sadness. He tried to stay silent. He didn’t want his father to hear just how broken he really was. He didn’t want to prove to his father that he was weak and useless.

But Blaine could feel his muscles clenching, and the sinking, tugging feeling of pain in his chest. He could feel the emptiness filling his pores and the heartache tearing at his flesh. 

He knew that he lost the love of his life, he knew that he messed up his future, he knew that failing out of college was a terrible mistake, he knew that his father was right, he knew how much he disappointed his parent, he knew he was worthless, stupid, unlovable, a failure, stupid, stupid, STUPID!

Blaine stood up, lowered his pants, and lifted his shirt. Through his tears, he looked at his reflection. He ran his fingertips over the faded scars that marked his flesh like braille. For a moment, he considered going back to that place. His fingertips whispered of that sweet release, the bite of pain. But they also screamed of the regret and the strength it took to stop.

So he pulled his pants back up and straightened his shirt. He wiped the tears from his face and he looked at himself in the mirror. He may have been upset, but he knew he had climbed too high to fall that far. 

He straightened his quivering lips and gave himself a couple “Blaine Anderson A+” smiles in the mirror, until he looked so happy he fooled himself. He straightened his bow tie and went back to his room.

 

~~-*-~~

 

When Blaine found out that he was going to be the new coach of the Warblers, he was ecstatic. The job market in Lima wasn’t forgiving to a fresh faced kid with nothing but a high school diploma. However, he was happy that he could finally tell his father that he found a job! Also, he knew that he could official break ties with that musty apartment.

The boys were happy to see him back in the halls of Dalton Academy. He was excited to put his crazy show choir ideas into action. The faculty was giving him a lot of creative control, more than he expected for just being hired. However, this looked like it was going to be the start of an upward climb for Blaine Anderson.

In fact, it was. 

Out of left field, Blaine ended up finding love. Well, maybe it wasn’t love but… it was nice. There were arms to hold him, and someone to call in the middle of the night. So, sure it was Dave Karofsky, but, Blaine wasn’t one to judge. 

Dave wasn’t the asshole that everyone knew in highschool. He was sweet and liked sports. And sure, maybe somewhere deep down Blaine knew this would hurt Kurt when he found out. And if he was being completely honest, he liked the idea of hurting Kurt just a fraction of how much he hurt him. 

But then it all became too real when he heard that Kurt arrived in Lima last night. He knew in his soul that Dave wasn’t going to be a long term relationship, and that Kurt really was the love of his life. But he would be damned if he was going to let Kurt see him struggle. 

Blaine was going to thrive. He was going to prove his father wrong. He was going to make sure that Kurt regretted ever second-guessing their relationship and that Kurt would come crawling back. He was going to conquer the world and all of the challenges it threw his way.

He was going to be back on top. He was going to get his life back. He was going to win.


End file.
